The Girl and Rhino

Man I wish I had a hot dog... maybe not as much as MJ, but still.

2009-07-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

It's summer, which means putting links on the bbq. Here's a couple that will definitely plump when you cook 'em! : The Renegade Craft Fair, SF (see you there!); and TG&R, Best of the East Bay.
Cheers,
Adam

The Girl and Rhino -- holiday blog

2008-12-03T10:36:00.000-08:00

Instructions: Read the following with a French accent. Why? Because everything is better in French. Don't believe us? Check this out. Yup, that's right, you thought your kid was cute, but now, like us (even though we don't have kids and maybe you don't either), you want to trade yours in for the cooler, cuter, Frenchier version. We're serious, French -- real or fake -- is the new black. In fact, as we speak, we've hired actors to dub all of our favorite TV shows into French. Look, it's as simple as this: if you haven't seen Bioman dubbed in French, you just haven't lived.

OK, so here's what's what (remember, you should be reading this with a real or fake French accent) -- z ole-o-dayz r ere nd ve ave zme new ole-o-day gear. (Translation: the holidays are here and we have some new holiday gear.)

First up, with the weight of History upon us, you really can't do what we do and not have an Obama tee. And let's face it, the man is handsome and articulate and without even trying is resurrecting the flashbulb-pop and starstruck feel of the Kennedy-Camelot days of yore. (If you're still reading in faux French, sorry about the word "yore," that one's kind of tough.) Surprisingly though, creating an Obama design that evokes his charm, presidential ease and magnetism was challenging... however, we think we nailed it.

(Note: If you do not know what a PILF is, it's probably because you don't know what a MILF is. Please do not Google MILF like we told our parents to (sorry Mom and Dad). If you do so, you will be awash with links to images you may not want to see. Instead, click here and you should be able to figure it out.)

Next, bicycles. We love 'em: from the hipster fixies to the lazy basket-headed cruisers -- two wheels good, four wheels bad! And we tend to agree with our favorite absinthe swilling, gun totting (while bike riding), nineteenth century Parisian poet, Alfred Jarry, who described the bicycle as a "magnificent external skeleton that permits the human race to surpass, at full speed, the limits imposed by biological evolution." And, in the spirit of Jarry, we too have decided to surpass the limits imposed by biological evolution -- and let bikes do what the birds and bees do (come on, what's the point of being human if you can't anthropomorphize now and then?); as well as protest the latest oil driven war.

After bikes, we're back at it with the birds. In fact, literally, The Birds.

"My agent called, said they need some extras for some Hitchcock thing, "guaranteed screen time," whatcha think? Should we do it?

And yes, more birds.

"Um no. Polly wants to get the F*@# out of this cage and bite you in the face."

In theory, that should be the end of our little blog o' fun, but we've been busy and there are seemingly endless things to share. Before we call it a day, we'd also like to let you know our whereabouts for the next few weeks (hey looking for something to do in the city tomorrow night? -- we'll be at the Verdi Club participating in the ReadyMade Winter Ball and Craft Show -- and Yes, that is a link to a pic of Rhino (aka Adam) back in an '03 ReadyMade spread) -- check out the "upcoming events" page on the TG&R website.

And lastly, we've finally joined the ranks of the Facebook social networking army. That said, we're mere tyros and have no idea about the intricacies and inner workings of the system -- Facebook wall? what's that? Regardless, if you're on Facebook you can find us by searching either "the girl and rhino" or "adam elaine." That's right, even though we don't know what we're doing (or maybe as evidence that we don't know what we're doing) we have two pages: the "official" TG&R business page (become a fan!) and the Adam & Elaine page (become a friend!).

Happy holidays!
Elaine and Adam, The Girl and Rhino

Where in Fraggle Rock...?

2008-09-06T13:12:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how every time you go to the beach you can't find your sunblock and have to cough up 8 bucks for a new bottle? Or how about those sunglasses that you paid too much for that mysteriously disappeared into the sand? Or worse, that gold watch that was your great grandfather's that he bought before he went off to war and that you took off just for the afternoon to avoid tan lines -- but now it's gone, gone, gone?

We'll we at TG&R hate to be the ones to break it to you, and we'd like to soften the blow with some flowery language, but, like ripping off a band aid, we feel that speed and terse prose may be the only way to have any kind of salubrious effect -- people, there's a super-terranean pod of dastardly pelicans that controls most of northern California's prized beaches. There, we've said it. They're heavily armed and dangerous. Watch your stuff and consider yourself warned. (That said, we've found that if you give them fresh fish, they'll lay down their weapons and break bread with you. In fact, when relaxed, they're actually quite chatty.)

Moving on, in other TG&R news, we've been getting a more than acceptable number of frustrated emailers all saying essentially the same thing: where in Fraggle Rock have you been? And though it's true that we have been spending some time with Boober (poor guy's all depressed and anxious again, we can relate) in one of the Fraggle caves, we've also been enjoying the sunshine and mixing it up in the Bay Area's late summer festivals. If you'd like to see us in the next few weeks, here's where we'll be:

Sunday Sept. 7 -- Montclair Jazz and Wine Festival
Sunday Sept. 14 -- Solano Stroll
Sat and Sun. Sept. 20-21 -- Treasure Island Music Festival
Sunday Sept. 28 -- Out and About Rockridge

And speaking of mixing it up, TG&R has also decided to see what happens when combining two of our favorite icons of the last 50 years or so. Certainly we're not the first to play with the crimson ghost, nor a stormtrooper but we don't think they've ever danced cheek to cheek quite like this before.

Hope to see you soon,
Elaine and Adam, TG&R

PS We'd also like to thank Judith Gallman, editor of Oakland magazine, for her write up of TG&R in this month's issue. You can find it in your favorite magazine shop (this one's our favorite) or on-line.
PPS Yes, Pelican Mafia and Stormfit tees coming soon!

Cats and Rats

2008-08-13T12:48:00.000-07:00

So just when I thought the blog was waaay more trouble than it's worth and that we're the only ones that read it, we received an "interesting" email. The subject line should have given us a clue as to its underlying tone and perhaps ultimately threatening nature, but for some reason it didn't (perhaps b/c the body of the email contains the phrases "moist anticipation" and "tickle your constituents"?)... instead we were left feeling swooned. That said, we would like to know your thoughts -- Should we file for a restraining order (like nutcheese)... or send this person some heart shaped toffees or maybe a wake n' bacon (after all, nothing says we love you like bacon)? Here is the aforementioned email, in its entirety:

Subject: I got yur blog right here...

So…every day as I get in to work, I hurriedly boot up my computer and check my email in moist anticipation for the next installment of the Girl and Rhino blog.
To no avail.
I check the site anyway, just in case some crazy filter socked the invite away somewhere in a file gobbled up by the virus eating gnomes.

Still no luck.
So here I am. Thinking I may just have enough pull with the powers that be to extract from their dubiously creative minds another gem of modern literature. I long for it. I crave it. And yet, I am unfulfilled. I think to myself, "Self! If you just post a Comment to one of their posts, they will be sure to post again!" And again, my self is wrong.

So please, please, take time out of your overcrowded schedule to tickle your constituents with another witty posting. Another inane thought. Another peek into the banter that exists only below street level in a non-descript home in the Oakland foothills.

Sate my yearning, oh Rhino.
…or i kill you.

So whatcha think? Nutcheese? (Is that little word "kill" too much to ignore?) or Bacon? (How can anyone that wants us to sate their yearning be all that bad?)

Moving on, in other GNR news, we added another design or two to our ragtag collection. Lately we've been accused of having a bird fetish, and though that may or may not be true, what is true is that we're also into cats. Big ones, sure, but mainly the little guys that live with us (because we're not Melanie Griffith and our mom isn't Tippi Hedren and therefore we can't have a big cat as a pet) and occasionally (OK, frequently) litter our little pad with gastrointestinal treats (note: not our cat... this is our cat) (additional note: why did this video get 5 stars? And why did I find myself laughing?).

Our first cat design hearkens back to the "Hang in There" days of yor, when your grandmother had the ubiquitous kitty needlepoint hanging from her kitchen wall, and though you were young, you were confused by the helpless kitten being paired with such a useless phrase. Well, perhaps you weren't confused, but we were, and alas, here is where it led us:

But what good is it to talk about cats, if you don't also talk about rats? Yup, our rat design has spread its wings so to speak (yikes, that's a terrible pun Elaine, I wish you hadn't written it), and now adorns a zip hoodie. We could describe it using L words like: lush; luscious; luxurious and Linbergh-baby but sometimes it's easier to just show a picture. Luckily we have one:

And speaking of pictures, the site, though still not fancy, is more useful in that we've added a few more photos. (We were sick of emailing web-shoppers the following response: "What?! What do you mean, you want to see what the garment looks before you purchase it? That's unreasonable and bordering on crazy... please get back to us when you've been aptly medicated." Also, the response didn't seem to increase sales.) Unfortunately, our new photos aren't of the same quality as the lush, Lindbergh-baby, luscious portrait photos done by my crazy talented brother at Deja Photography, but sometimes simple snapshots can get the job done, right? (Actually, my hope is that my brother will read this, then look at the site, then get disgusted and frustrated that my snapshots have sullied his work, and then insist that we have a real shoot. Damn, I'm crafty.)

Lastly, until the site has a working calendar, it's probably wise to tell folks where we're going to be. Soooo, this Sunday we'll be at the spot that gives us that warm and relaxed feeling, The Temescal Farmers' Market. (It's almost like getting a body massage.) And on the 24th we'll be part of the Rock Make Music Festival in SF.
Best,
Adam & Elaine

Deep thoughts w/TG&R

2008-06-06T17:05:00.000-07:00

One of our posts of late has been getting a bit of criticism for being, well... gross. Friends and family have said, and I quote, "It's, ahhh... gross." I'm sure a quick scroll will reveal (even to the most lazy among us) which post is the focus of such criticism and I must say, Yes, I agree, it is gross. However, sometimes we humans have to make sacrifices and engage with the grotesque in order to find life's underlying beauty. And sure, that sounds a bit hokey, but I ask you, how else would we have been blessed (and we don't mean this with mocking undertones) with the following response to our Craigslist shenanigans, "...what goes around comes around, who knows he [your uncle] could come back and haunt you or bad spooky things or back luck could prevail, all things possible just like voodeo."? It's that last phrase, "all things possible just like voodeo," which made rolling around in all of that imaginary muck worth it. I have no regrets! Come on, "all things possible just like voodeo"?! Does it get better than that? I mean, even the misspelling is perfect (which, being the terrible speller that I am, had to be pointed out to me -- speaking of, anyone notice the misspelled word on virtually all of the pages of the TG&R website?). We at TG&R are starting to think that "all things possible just like voodeo" may have to be the unofficial TG&R slogan. Next time someone asks about a tee design -- "dude, how'd you think of that?" -- TG&R now knows exactly what to say: "hey man, all things possible just like voodeo." Or, "Where do you think the future of The Girl and Rhino is headed?" Well, important and well respected so and so, we think: "all things possible just like voodeo." Or, when Elaine asks, hey Adam what should we do for breakfast? "Well Laney, all things possible just like voodeo." You get the gist -- it's the perfect multi purpose clause for post-9/11 capitalistic gobbledygook society (whatever that means).

All that said, none of this is the purpose for writing today. Today's purpose is to simply alert you that TG&R will be participating from 12PM to 6PM in this Saturday's Temescal Street Fair. Like years past, it promises to be "all things possible just like voodeo." In addition to being all things, it will have a fashion show, in which, TG&R will participate. (Well we won't, but people wearing a couple of our wares will. Care to participate? Email us and we'll connect you with the folks that know if model space is still available -- all sizes, shapes, welcome!)
Also of note, is a few new TG&R designs. Check them out below, or on the website.

Best,
Adam & Elaine

For some reason, perhaps in the same way we found handlebar mustaches hip several months ago, these days we're really into pipes -- and what better way to celebrate the pipe than riffing off of Magritte's fantastic piece of art history?

One of our favorite 5 year olds, Harper, has taught us some zinger knock-knock jokes over the past year and a half or so, and reminded us of our all time favorite. This is our first design specifically aimed at amusing the kiderati; however, we did do some in adult sizes to appeal to the kid in all of us. (Check out Harp's mom's amazing new blog here.)

Sometimes shirts need condiments, we decided this one needed a little of one of life's finer pleasures, Grey Poupon.

There's some controversy over Gertrude's famous quote and how it relates to the place we call home. We prefer to think her words have been taken out of context and misinterpreted. Of course there's a there there, in fact, tomorrow it'll be at the Temescal Street Fair. :o) (TG&R will have more to say on Stein in later posts, but for now, remember: A there is a there is a there is a there.)

By George!

2008-06-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

The Girl and Rhino want to believe this to be true: that extraordinary creative feats can be inspired by our everyday surroundings. They love the idea of a young George losing himself to the industry of the Oakland waterfront -- getting caught up in the machinery, the gears and pulleys, riding the elevator of his imagination to such heights that a mundane cargo crane becomes a treacherous military tool of the Empire. Most would stop at a clumsy dinosaur or skeletal horse, but not George -- his powers of fantasy are something to be cherished and deserve the cultural spotlight thrust upon them. Of course, some say it's hogwash, that the cranes had nothing to do with the mind-work behind the AT-AT. But really, who cares if it's true or not? At this point the story has taken on a life of its own, and that's something no one can question.

Coolest CL post ever.

2008-05-13T14:58:00.000-07:00

This is the coolest Craigslist Ad the Girl and Rhino has ever seen, hands down (or up). That said, we sent in our 5 spot and in return received a not so flattering pic of that kid from Freaks and Geeks . We're not complaining, it's just kinda weird.

phoenix craigslist > baby & kid stuff

Pretty much the cutest baby on the planet - $5 (Phoenix)

Reply to: sale-679383726@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-13, 2:09PM MST

I am selling a picture of what is most likely the cutest baby on the planet. I didn't feel it was fair for my wife and I to horde all of the cuteness to ourselves, so we are selling 1 (one) 4x6 picture of said cute baby so that others may enjoy the cuteness.

Location: Phoenix
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 679383726

The Rhino's fake CL post...

2008-05-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

The Rhino was feeling a bit inspired, naughty and childish today and decided, well, it's time for a little Craig's List fun. If there are any interesting replies, he'll be sure to let you know.

The Rhino's post didn't last very long; it's already been flagged and removed -- the above link won't get you very far. However, here's the original post:

Free Feces and Guano!

Reply to: sale-663564819@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-01, 9:31AM PDT

Collection of mammal and bird feces. Weird uncle has passed away and passed on his "beloved" collection to me. No thanks. Collection stored in zip lock bags and is labeled and is currently frozen. Entire collection fills 14 cu. ft. freezer -- if you'd like all of it, I'd suggest bringing a large vehicle. Brief inspection of collection notes the following animals: King cheetah; New Zealand swan; Mhorr gazelle; German and Australian Shepard (I think those may be from Zoe and Cleo, his pets); Bee hummingbird; Javan rhinoceros; Northern Spotted owl; Eagle owl; etc. There must be at least 35 different brands here (some are unlabeled, except for my uncles initials, which I must say, is a little suspicious).

and here, friends, is the most interesting reply:

"we all have our quirks and your uncle had his, don't blemish his good name with this

outburst, just get rid of it and be done with it.

what goes around comes around, who knows he could come back and haunt you or

bad spooky things or back luck could prevail, all things all possible just like voodeo"

If by chance you are the author the above comment, please email us at thegirlandrhino@gmail.com -- we'd love to send you a free tee!, because frankly, you made the rhino's day. (Please email us from the account you used to post your comment :o)

The Girl thinks about birds...

2008-04-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

The Girl thinks that there is something inherently ominous about birds, even the small chirpy ones. She wonders about evolution and the theories linking birds to dinosaurs. If those theories are true (and she tends to think they are), how did evolution wipe clean all of that gristle and violence, all of those teeth and gore? The obvious answer, she tells the Rhino, is that it did not. All that stuff is still there, she says, just wrapped up in a different form. That though their dinosaur bodies are no more, evolution has granted them a mutated form of the power of they once held. She's not sure what it is yet: ESP? telepathy? telekinesis? but she feels its presence. It is a rain drop hanging on an eave -- waiting to strike the nape of her neck, to yield the most unpleasant of shivers. With the heel of her bare foot she pokes at the leather of the Rhino's side, whispers into his flickering ear, Can't you see it in their eyes? The Rhino knows, as only the Rhino can, that her inklings are correct. Spot on, spot on, he wants to say, but instead he shakes big his head no. Some things are still too dangerous for her to know.

The Girl decides on a theme song...

2008-04-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

Here we are, face to face

A couple of Silver Spoons.

Hopin’ to find, we’re two of a kind

Making a go, making it grow.

Together, we’re going to find our way.

Together, taking the time each day.

To learn all about those things you just can’t buy.

Two Silver spoons together.

You and I together (We’re going to find our way)

–Wait a second! That’s not right. We don’t have a fucking theme song. And besides, that’s from Silver Spoons.

The Rhino, who had worked hard crafting and rewriting draft after draft of their poem gave the Girl a sour look.

–But I like to sing. What’s wrong with singing?

Though it was still drizzling, rather than return his gaze, she decided to fold up her umbrella. Sometimes his use of profanity made her uncomfortable.

–Nothing’s wrong with singing, but you told me you wanted a poem, and it took me a long time to get it right. Not to mention that I’m not a good speller and without thumbs and little fingers like you have, the dictionary’s not always my friend.

This made the Girl laugh, because it was true, the Rhino did have funny hands. His big, nubby pads seemed only good at squashing things. She snickered, picturing him struggling with the dictionary and then recalled what he’s like with a cup of tea. (Last time, he even tried to look dainty, attempted to cross his legs.) With the memory, she almost lost it -- she howled with laughter.

–What’s so funny? No, you know what? I don’t care. I don’t want to know. All I know is, we’re not singing, especially not Silver Spoons. That’s not us. I can’t even hold a spoon. You told me to write a poem, and that’s what I did. We will sing later. Now please, wipe that grin off your face, and if you’d be so kind, I’d love another shortbread cookie.

The Girl, sated with her friendship, and all its complications, untied her napsack and found a square of shortbread. She palmed it, and with a thick dexterous lip, he guided it into his mouth and smiled.

The Rhino writes a poem

2008-03-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

"The Girl and Rhino"

The girl with eyes grey as dust, the girl with the speech impediment
wants nothing more than to be loved -- to have playmates to kick around with
throw jacks. skip rope.

but those animal eyes, sounds
get nothing but whispers and wary looks

she spends most of her time in the attic,
perhaps with a bit of crumble cake or a shortbread cookie
mother is nice, but has her books

the rafters smell of damp cardboard, sour clothes
life in the top of the house is static, and cold

she listens and mimics perfectly the sounds of rain:
the slap of a gust on the glass
the trickle of a leak somewhere deep within the shingles
(a sound that in fact, reminds her of the fountain by her father's headstone)

she is distraught by this ease, this useless fluency

Yes, there were small joys: in a corner she found a lonely leather glove
thumbed her way through molded catalogues filled with things to lust --
couples hand in hand in glittering new watches
children playing tag in deep veined corduroy

and perhaps it was here, with this melancholy,
this realization that even cloistered, you will still find an attic-tossed magazine
and in it, the buzz and chatter of childhood will remind you of what you are,
and what you are not

yes, perhaps it was here, that she retreated into her young years,
where growing up didn't interfere with fantasies drawn by a wondrous,
flame-flickering mind.

On the day the rhino first loomed out of the shadows,
guiding its mass around a box of wooden hangers, its breath, a heavy, earthy sound
she thought of asking it how it got here
and if it lived off the crumbs of her crumble cake

but she knew the answers,
and more importantly knew that it too couldn't speak so well,
(in fact, not nearly as well as she)

instead, she watched it pivot and step, inching its way to her side
and when they were eye to eye, she looked into its rubbery sheen
and saw clever little thoughts that made her smile and bleat with laughter

a laugh that she usually tried to stifle with the fist of her hand --

the gasping, grotesque, beautiful laugh that frightened and startled
adults and children alike
(a laugh that could kill a horse, as her mother once said)

but the rhino did not mind the laughter and asked her nicely if they could be friends

If you like, you can sit on my back and we can talk about things all day long.
You'd be surprised, the rhino said,
how many things there are that are interesting and funny to talk about

First off, the rhino said, without a word, let's talk about poetry,
and what a wet waste of time it is for the writer and reader alike.
The girl a bit winded from heaving herself sidesaddle
onto the slate of the rhino's back, was amazed at such candor and wit

and without so much as a thought in her head,
found herself laughing like a little girl…

world domination and other such ramblings

2008-03-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

Last week, this was a wee little email... but now look!, it's allgrownsup. That's right, it's a (drum roll please) Blog.

This just in!

Sotheby's Auction House, London.

The Girl and Rhino have the winning bid for purchase of the Space-Time-Continuum. When asked what they'll do with the acquisition, TG&R front man, Adam, boasted, "Well, we have no immediate plans for the use of Space or Continuum, but they'll be sure to come in handy when we begin our campaign for world domination. For now, we only have plans for Time." Though difficult to pinpoint exactly what he meant by the statement, we've subsequently learned that TG&R have decided to give a demonstration of the awesome power now within their grasp: tomorrow, Sunday, March 9th at 2:00AM, TG&R have decided to flex their muscle and manipulate Time by disintegrating an hour! "Poof! It will be gone!" said Adam with a maniacal little snicker. Elaine, TG&R's head of public relations, was quick to dismiss Adam's disconcerting snicker, saying that Adam is on cold medicine and that actually TG&R's real incentive is to "give the fine citizens of our blessed nation an extra hour of sunlight. Consider it a small gift from us to you."

In other news, though usually reclusive, tacit and introverted (complete with a hermit-like shyness), TG&R is trying to stretch its social wings. And what better place to shake hands with extroversion than Vegas? That's right, last month we sent Adam to Las Vegas to check out the fashion tradeshow, MAGIC. Not this kind of magic, this kind. It was an exploratory mission, with the aim of meeting cool indie kids and exchanging ideas. No such luck. Adam apparently missed his dose of Celexa, for he reported that he spent the entire day speaking to less than two people for a grand total of thirty-three seconds. He did however, have a star sighting: Mos Def. In fact, he claims he was within tackling distance of the canorous talent. We're still not sure we believe Adam, especially since his "proof" is this not so convincing photo. In addition to Mos Def, Adam also says he saw Tony the Tiger. This we are more apt to believe as Adam greatly respects Tony's contribution to the world of nutrition and would never lie about such things, and there is this fine photograph.

But even more exciting than Tony is something a few of you have done! Recently, we discovered something that made us quite happy (in a weird I-had-no-idea-this-kind-of

-thing-would-make-us-happy kind of way). That's right folks, four of the more adventurous of you Yelped us! Thank you, thank you, we look forward to more -- as it has been shown that four is the loneliest of numbers.

Also thanks to the rigorous demands of the Capsule design community, we now have a stately and oh so serious mission statement. You can find it here and check out other Capsule designers and upcoming capsule events, or, well, here:

The mission that The Girl and Rhino has chosen to accept is simple in its premise, yet difficult in its execution. In Latin it's known as: "Gire esse frown de cabeça para baixo!" And in English:"Turn that frown upside down!" Throughout the centuries, countless strategies have been employed in an attempt to achieve this goal. For example, The Girl and Rhino's favorite is the streamlined, straight to the point approach used by, Mr. Roark in Fantasy Island. For years, "Smiles everyone, Smiles," worked like a charm, or a well aimed blow dart. However, without the backdrop of a lush fantasy island, (nor Mr. Roark's lush Corinthian leather) we at The Girl and Rhino haven't found it so effective. Instead we've had to utilize our visual graphic wit and the only medium available to us: cotton. In the form of tee shirts and hoodies (and the occasional doggie-shirt) we strive to "Gire esse frown de cabeça para baixo!".
-The Girl and Rhino
PS Bable Fish doesn't translate into Latin. "Gire esse frown de cabeça para baixo!" is Portuguese.

Anyway, if you haven't seen us in awhile please come visit. We have a few new designs in print and more on the way! We'll be at the Temescal Farmers' Market on most Sundays and the Old Oakland Market on most Fridays.

Best,
Adam & Elaine, The Girl and Rhino

PS Special thanks to our good friends Jeremy and Karina for all of their continued support and knowledge of all things great and small.